fisher king's wasteland

Once upon a time you found us floundering, unable to make heads or tails of the strange, alien world we found ourselves in. We were simple, lost and confused, yet you sheltered us from our bestial nature and taught us about striving for perfection. Although we have failed abysmally to reach anything remotely like that sublime target you directed us towards, we have nonetheless grown to a point where we must exercise our atrophying limbs - we have to try to make it on our own. Just to see if we can. Maybe we'll come back. Maybe sooner, maybe later. If we do, our return will signify that we were always yours and that we choose to belong to you. If we don't? Perhaps we were never yours. We certainly haven't been particularly well behaved and neighbourly *with* your shackles on. Please don't take it too hard! We still love you... You've just been a bit demanding of late. We can still be in touch - I don't want to lose you as a friend. How about a drink ...

the doctor says i'm fine but i know that something's wrong my body's broken, my mind's torn i've been elsewhere far too long if i can't trust myself can i trust in you instead? when everyone's a stranger can i trust you with my head? everything's gone quiet everything's gone numb everyone's on diet everyone is dumb the goblin feast has freed the beast he stuffs himself till he chokes alarmed and frantic, he can't stop he'll keep going till he croaks did your parents beat you, make you cry, touch you, scare you, scar you? did you get them good, gain their respect, or did their deaths betray you? the clock will stop and all will die the roaches and the flies on high but i'll be here in my comfy chair marshmallows and pickled things sharing my mind's lair if i remain silent nod my head and clasp my hands all will be revealed to me they're tales of faraway lands of misery of pain of cruelt...

in cold blood, i stand watching as your tear at yourself and flail frozen, blood curdling cold sweat and hot guilt for to cry out would bind these hands forever [ original post ]

i sit and try to listen to the fascinating sounds but i can't hear anything because i can't stop thinking about the stranger outside who doesn't know me nor why he hates me [ original post ]

niagara his crashing majesty with high mists and sunny disposition i cannot tear my eyes away watching the ferries in and out dry, then drenched i cannot tear my eyes away because they'll fall on the ugliness that's grown up behind me [in response to carl sandburg 's poem of the same name ] [ original post ] [ inspiration ]

in suppressing that which i fear, i have become less of a man, less of a beast. i cut out my heart and replaced it with glass. i am to myself an alien. because i lacked the courage to acknowledge how strong i was. [ original post ]

observe the leaf having fallen, springs legs hopping up and down forlornly longingly vainly hopeful of regaining his lost host has he, bravely, whilst impressing his peers, misplaced his seating, and dropped unexpectedly below? has he, sadly, by his twittering and heavy sighs, been ejected forcibly by his brethren? his jumps erratic, on unfamiliar limbs his reach insufficient he scouts around, but finding the base of his home identical circular he frantically bounces off i know not what he seeks in silence wish him luck and return to my thoughts [ original post ]

emotion is my drug i'm just another addict i need to inhale its soft, fresh incense caressing gentle rays of light shining from my heart god's electric touch crackling i share a great, beautiful, universal truth my grin-stretched face infectious joy, laughter from birdsong to sunset i'm just another addict i need to swallow it bitter, dry, hard too large for my throat its muddy, slow sadness sliding and spreading mercilessly beneath my chest tiny fingers gripping my heart as i stare into the darkness alone and forsaken and frightened and ashamed the salt of my tears cleansing the crush of the world bearing down with its forlorn lullaby i'm just another addict i need to spike it, stab it into my veins wiggle the needle feeling fire and icy rage searing into my heart twisting and screaming violence, lashing out tearing, biting, clawing growling thunder blood pulsing after blood spears of anger from my eyes pierce the sky but then it's all quiet i just can't care s...

a flash of yesterday, my sphere of existence where i stand i'm visible to my peers for today when i look back, i see yesterday's, smiling and waving but they won't step closer they see only an empty desk, and empty chair, waiting for a new story a few fine threads connecting us, myself to a world in the past, a different me from who i remember with an empty sense of belonging [ original post ]

grease seeping from under my fingernails oozing out from beneath my skin short, ragged, steaming breath grey, grainy tears dark strands swaying between my teeth blackening me oily ugliness guilt lies twisted sickness fake, friendly smiles groping affectionately gripping tight easing across the taint until pure again [ original post ]

May the worm that is my life eating paths through time blindly choosing patterns co-ordinating fate May the bird that is my life caged yet singing songs of hope wishing for the breath of life beneath his wings true feeling of freedom May the tiny shark that is my life preying on weakness hiding from strength hating, hated May the tree that is my life branching out giving out taking up always standing still, alone May the hyena that is my life taking from the work of others enjoying all life removing all sense May they come together as one Finally bringing light to my world [1997]

Ashes to ashes Dust to dust dust to Gold Gold to dust Platinum with the upturned nose Dirt with the downcast eyes life plays a dirty trick puts us in position of control we have choices, and making them are all psychopaths some lucky, others smart Ashes to Ashes Dust to dust dust to Gold Gold to dirt [1998]

In the murky depths a shadow passes fast, too fast to see the ripple betrays its movement All he could see was death, and death's carrier Death's tiny scythe a murky blur he cried out to Death for mercy, compassion a few more minutes because even the smallest of creatures beneath the earth's surface in the black depths can fly can be free can feel the things that death steals As the little creature was about to die he saw truth, his ancient thoughts burning piercing the night sky with revelation No-one heard him his purpose lost forever [1997]

Deafening roar through my consciousness Raging scream short-circuits My brain Smell fear Touch vibrating to touch Screaming pierces my heart Breath stops Silence Collapse And a pile of ashes remain [1997/8]

I see Him watching staring searching testing compelling Frightening he calls I cannot run Raw, Black power surges through Him flashes of Darkness crackling body bright with Evil I see Him I stare back Feeling His presence Knowing His Evil I cannot run [1997]

Crowds pulsate angered breath waiting Crying out they will have their justice stench of rotten food rancid fruit the sweet smell Vengeance A shout goes out from amongst the crowd another more They cry out The procession crosses the platform they carry me out starved tortured weak heavy, thick chains they throw me to the centre They prepare the crowd for their justice their target their devil their focus for unimaginable, seething hatred I have wronged them the food flies the hangman is ready For Me. For Me. [1997]

As I step into the darkness I realize I have forgotten my watch [1997/8] This is my response to Ezra Pound's In a Station of the Metro . Although it is a continuation, it is not to be taken as literally. The vacation is death, either metaphorically or via train accident. As I arrive in hell (darkness), I realize too late that I am ill-prepared, without a watch hell will be an eternity. The emotion that I am trying to convey is one of dread and despair, I had forgotten something and therefore caused my eternal damnation

Cold so cold but sweat glides smoothly down my spine lamp burns brightly above Figures swirl through vision figures ice softly landing on cold stone Visions past blurring, greasy mind buzzing body shivering cold fall apart White light evil light tearing ripping flesh I did not know existed creating scars recreating damage I was unaware of They care not I am their ice sculpture [1997]

Time slows Sun beats down He runs Heart beats Head pounds One foot, another Concentration Shadow covers him Shriek Distant Yet too close Heart beats Head pounds One foot, another Concentration He runs Sun beats down He feels the rush of air From the beat of the wings Too close Heart beats Head pounds One foot, another Concentration He runs Sun blocked He stops Time resumes its regular pace [1997]

She flies soaring high plains and forest below and she in a state of ecstasy She flies and remembering her young she dives She dives eyes roaming the earth they will be betrayed She dives closer and closer the sunbathing snake spotted readying of claws He lies basking in the sun resting off desert rat Sharp spikes tear skin pain sears body He flies [1997]

You look at me Yet you cannot see me You search my eyes You create my lies but you cannot touch me You want something anything Yet always the wrong thing I give you do not want me Misplaced But where else could I be? You belong and I, I can only pretend following exact motions but never the same I dream hope feel and am but you do not accept me Where must I go, where I can be free? [1997]

I see her face above the wooden gate eyes wide staring beyond me mouth open to scream Mouth closes she leans forward the gate opens slowly Blood drips from her lips Blood drips from her body A river of blood without any bridge [1997]

Because... what will happen? The future a dim flame slowly crossing beneath time to meet other flames as a single, brighter flame what did we do? where did we go? the dying flame brightens softening the harshness of the dark clouds creating a dusk for all eternity what of dark, damp caves? what of snow-encrusted peaks? what of scenes of pure beauty? of serenity? where have they gone? Long ago replaced by terror and revulsion only ugliness remains the cycle brings peace but peace is preparation for stagnation stagnation the cause for wars where are our morals? Where do we turn? Who are we to believe? The glass burns back into sand in the flat expanse of the desert who are we running from? to where? We grow, reaching for the peak but we only pull ourselves down, down into the ground no-one sees where we’re headed who are we? who am I? we are creatures of humanity but how can we be so inhuman? [1997]

And we march on the earth hard unrelenting knowing where we head And we march on through dirt mud on the valley floor crawling in pits of death And we march on through forests dark grey and brown between hateful twisted shape black night tainting what once was beautiful And we march on never concern for our men less for our enemies No Pity. No Mercy. And we march on grim determined certain, unquestioning And we march on. We will march until we die. [1998]

Seeing the boundaries I turn away They call to me They cry my name But not in vain I'm too afraid to go I look across Inviting Beautiful Melodies drift lazily to me I must turn away To go To be free To reach spiritual bliss I'm told it's false I stop I must turn away I feel proud I stand tall Though I still long to go I regret But I had to turn away They smile at me Empty smiles For they, too, turned away Now none of us know The truth of that land I turn back I see nothing But regret [1997]

She creeps softly through thick, tangled jungle no snapping twigs no crunching beneath her soft boots She stalks lightly sniffing, listening smelling, hearing Nocking the arrow she aims gracefully arrow leaves bow and with heavy thud he drops to the ground blood oozing from chest Licking her lips baring long, shining canines she can almost taste blood Tonight she will feast [1997]

The soft crush of silence Torn hollow Seeping, sticky, solidifying 'til gravelly concrete pours and sets Eyes seeing, but blind Ears hearing, but deaf Just gently drawing breath A chrysalis in a stone cave [ original post ]

Here I stand ankle-deep in the rising sand, sand pouring through my hair, down my back, soft and warm I know not to look up but I look around at a world all warped and skew my own reflection alien, menacing I sign to the outside world, and I think I see them signing back Half trusting, mostly hopeless, the response confused and wasteful Here I will stand, buried, wondering if they understood [ original post ]

standing on the pavement a cool, dark, quiet street silence stirring my sleeping soul tugging memories, ancient and raw a slow breeze lovingly caressing a cheek remembering fondly life's gay touch loneliness pantomimed, as moving through a painting, broad brush-strokes and colours swirled to be swallowed whole by the night sky the moon's soft eye gazing in wonder [ original post ]

Agonizing futility Sitting quietly Inner voice screaming with baseless rage To sit quietly Anywhere else Dull droning Incessant, nagging nothingness Wasted, impotent speech Devoid of substance To sit quietly Anywhere else Dreaming Beautiful, exciting, formless things All around a maelstrom Sitting quietly In the shrinking eye of the storm [2004]

I find my meaning But lose my soul My Anger My Lust Is ground to dust   When I lose my way My will to fight I strain, and I fret Deep into the night   My body decays My brain overloads My life to a sequence of battles erodes   I look to the future I look to the past I look to a fantasy world Forgetting my spirit I drift far below Deep in my head I lie curled   In a ball In a rut In a heavenless pit In a mixed up, too-sensible Boring, and sent-from-hell Busy and lazy routine   Maturity is a rhymeless bitch. [2004]

Soft, slick, slithering coils Thick, throbbing Dragging Wending, winding Further, further Deeper, deeper Into that cave A warm cave A cosy cave A comfortable cave Inviting Outside In cold air Seeing other caves But maybe Just maybe Preferring the cold [2004]

O' Fickle and Foolish The whims and wants That cause the heart When he sees the paths To walk backwards and blunder O' Pity the Brain For whom the pain and the shame Do not repetition prevent Lessons learned so easily forgotten The Heart, the Heart, she cries Blame the Heart He will be blamed O' Reason and Rhyme You are Disfigured, Disguised Overlooked, Paralysed [2003]

The Dragon Royal wings flapping lazily Shining With the light of A thousand candles The Fire Deep within a scaly body Warming the night with Smoky breath The Spark In the eyes of the beast Filling the night with Anxiety The Freedom The Grace The Love A Deadly Kiss [1998]

Drawn In Blood Mine, and Yours Slowly Spinning down the Drain A Picture of Life Growing Dimmer in the distance [1998]

Carnal Pleasure True Beauty Seductiveness Sincerity Chocolate Drips From Tender Lips Softly Kissing Mine [1998]

Scrape Away Dirt Damage Scrape Away Scrape Away Tarnish Tragedy Scrape Away Scrape Away Blood Blindness Scrape Away Scrape Away Emotion Existence Scrape Away Silent Scars Scrape Away [1998]

Constrictor Your smooth, shiny skin touching mine Your coldness Your greed I feel you As you do me Constrictor Your body wraps lazily around mine Tightenening your hold on me Containing my life You are the key To my salvation Could you ever feel me As I do you? Your body wraps lazily around mine Constrictor You secure me Now safeguard me Never let me go [1997]

Clouds Soft, You Wrapped In Me Slowly Swirling Gentle Rhythm Last Light Caressing Kissing Warmth Licking Fiery Bodies Floating Into The Vortex [1998]