your first snow

[or, "possibly one of the reasons why you're my ex"]

i love watching you fall

though you bare your clenched teeth and breathe seething disbelief at my mirth
as if i've just given birth to the ugliest baby, that can't possibly be yours

your scowl as you crawl back up makes me howl inside
knowing that you're not giving up only because there's no getting off this ride
and you're still not having any fun
in spite of yourself

but don't listen to me

just like the time when you were mad at me for when you hid the cookies on the highest shelf
because you began some new diet that i warned you myself was a mistake
just another misdirection by some guru that you saw on the television
transmitting an all-knowing, omnipotent, telling-you vision
that happiness and self-satisfaction can only be achieved through martyrdom
then, you tuned me out because the man in the studio
convinced you that i know nothing worth saving
as i preach consumption of the non-materialist kind that self-helplessness books avoid
because their bread and butter can only fall money-side down

i love watching you fall

because each time you crawl back up
you're faster, and stronger, and last a little bit longer than before
though it all feels the same to you
because
montages
only
happen
in
the movies