"Life" with a capital "L"

that's what they call it
in soft whispers, and glazed eyes
it's god and it's heaven, and mystical ecstacy
and they say that drugs confuse people

but i thank you, from the bottom of my ringing steel bed
as its wheels roll and clatter beneath the flashes of brilliant light
as the beeps and footfalls following behind the drip
that bitterly nourishes me
through characterless swinging double doors
past wards of sad people wanting to be better

you, wearing your mask and spatterings of my blood
my knight in white, righteous, shining fucking armour
i thank you for rescuing me
from me, from my self
from monstrously calm and comfortable darkness

i watch, my heart cold, my tears drying
as you stitch chains up and around my wrists
as you tuck me in, and kiss my forehead, strap me in good night

i fall asleep staring
through shameful curtains
at some tormented guard
protecting me from these selfish sins

will i wake, some day, from these pills you've drenched in oblivion's water?

you soft-spoken, with hearts so big that care so much
such gentle aliens, for whom i am but a porcelain doll
i thought you deserved my portion more
but now i see sharp teeth in those inward-facing smiles

you give
you give
but you don't love me