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• set up server
• kill bugs
• open jars
• catch up on readings for tomorrow
• it's a curse
• it's an affliction
• this love of the truth
• the worst addiction
• forcing changes in my diction
• and all other kinds of friction
• i overcompensate
• for my stupidity
• by being right all the time
• with others whose eyes i'm too tired to prise
• open, i'll try anyway, seeking surprise
• i wonder how many of us do surmise
• that most of what we understand are mere lies
• that we need because our brains are too small to contend
• with a world filled with a hopeful-less love-and-hate blend
• living in a country run by little girls and boys
• pretending to be grown-ups with their guns and other toys
• their batons and iron bars and nails are joys
• to behold, in their wisdom in crushing armed ploys
• two sides of a fence
• each shaking and braying
• to protect egg shells of ideologies
• that just can't keep playing
• can't survive in a world
• that doesn't end tomorrow
• with an i-told-you-so
• and i'm angry
• a simmering
• anger
• never cooling
• neither boiling
• angry all the time
• because i know what can be
• but it's not and i want
• everyone to see
• with my eyes
• just like everybody else
• and i want to be heard
• just like everybody else
• but i don't want to play games
• just like everybody else
• and i don't want to quit
• just like everybody else
• but don't want
• is all
• there is
• left
• because i'm too busy
• being who i want to be and
• still falling short of who i can be and
• i can't just be because that requires
• more brains than i've got, or far less
• and bodies are fragile
• and silly
• they age
• faster
• the more you live
• i'm addicted to justifying the world's mistreatment
• my blind faith in the lack of bad intentions
• swallowing the bitterness of
• an unfair innocent world's misfortune
• do the wise turn it all off?
• or do they wake up with their gloves on?
• do they accept the technical knock-out
• when they know they could do better?
• or do they take it to round twelve
• before the doctor steps and urges early retirement?
• i don't want to retire
• i want to win
• if it takes a millennium or
• if time's winged chariot crumples into a brick wall
• of inevitability
• hidden in a cloud
• lined with silver
• and edged in shadows
• how does
• it feel to be a problem, du bois?
• i can't see a way sometimes
• while blinded by disgust and despair
• that hits me in waves
• when i accept that this world
• doesn't want people like me
• which world?
• your world
• your world doesn't want smart
• your world doesn't want caring
• your world doesn't want loving
• your world doesn't want thinkers
• who want answers
• and fixes
• this world prefers
• sad drones
• so grateful for
• the sweetest instant
• of relief
• from their
• completely
• unnecessary
• burdens
• which they accept
• because they're creatures of habit
• who've long learned the price of
• the most powerful word in the universe:
• NO.
• finish moving apartments
• work on seminar
• take out another loan
• get some exercise
• study for exam